I didn’t feel like a bride. I felt like someone signing something permanent without fully understanding it.
Jonathan held my hand through most of it. Lila kept asking when we were going home.
***
When we got back to the house, the kids ran ahead.
The door closed behind us, leaving just Peter and me alone for the first time as husband and wife.
He turned to me.
I didn’t feel like a bride.
“Now that there’s no going back, I can finally tell you why I married you.”
I exhaled slowly, anticipating the worst.
“You asked me for something years ago,” Peter said. “And I never forgot.”
I frowned. “What’re you talking about?”
“It was after Sean disappeared for a couple of days. The kids were still little.”
And just like that, I remembered.
***
Jonathan had been about three. Lila was still in a crib.
Sean had been gone for two days. No calls. Nothing.
“What’re you talking about?”
By the second night, I couldn’t pretend it was normal.
So I called Peter.
“I haven’t heard from him,” I said.
“I’ll come by.”
Peter showed up not long after.
Later that night, after I got the kids to sleep, I went outside and sat on the back steps. Peter came out with a blanket and sat beside me.
“I don’t have anywhere to go,” I told him. “If this falls apart… I’ve got no one. I just don’t want my kids growing up thinking I disappeared. If something happens… promise me you won’t let that happen?”
“I won’t,” he vowed.
I couldn’t pretend it was normal.
Back in the present, I crossed my arms.
“You remember that?”
“I remember everything about that night,” Peter said.
“And that’s why you married me?”
“That’s where it started. Not where it ended.”
Something in his tone made me uneasy.
“What do you mean?”
“Sean wasn’t just waiting for things to fall apart,” Peter said. “He was counting on it.”
I felt my stomach tighten.
“You remember that?”
“No, I would’ve fought—”
“You would’ve tried, but he made sure you wouldn’t have much to fight with. I knew what my son was capable of.”
I shook my head, but for the first time, I started wondering—
What if I hadn’t just lost everything?
What if I’d been losing it slowly… and never saw it happening?
***
The following morning, I couldn’t sit still.
Peter offered to take the kids to school, and I let him.
Something felt different about me since our previous conversation, like I needed to start doing things myself again.
“No, I would’ve fought—”
While Peter and the kids were gone, I went into the garage.
Most of my things were still in boxes from after my divorce from Sean. I hadn’t had the energy to go through them properly.
I didn’t even know what I was looking for at first. I just started opening boxes.
Clothes. Old toys. Small appliances.
Then I found the first thing that didn’t make sense.
A notice from Jonathan’s school. It was about a parent meeting I’d supposedly missed. But I’d never seen it before!
