“So did her mother.”
I looked away because kindness still felt too dangerous. It threatened to undo me.
The next morning, I was discharged to Daniel’s apartment in Lincoln Park instead of the condo I had shared with Ryan.
Leaving the hospital felt like stepping into a life I had not packed for.
Daniel drove slowly. Eli followed in his truck with the hospital bags, the car seat base he had installed under the supervision of a nurse who declared him “adequately terrified,” and a grocery list Dana had written for postpartum survival.
I sat in the back beside Lily.
Every bump in the road hurt.
Every red light felt too long.
Every time Lily made a sound, my heart jumped.
Daniel kept glancing in the rearview mirror.
“You good?”
“No.”
“Need anything?”
“A different life.”
He nodded.
“I’ll see what I can do.”
At his apartment, Daniel had already transformed the guest room. Not well, exactly. My brother was not a decorator. But there was a bassinet, diapers stacked like a fortress, a nursing pillow still in plastic, three kinds of wipes because he panicked in the baby aisle, and a handwritten sign taped above the light switch:
CLAIRE + LILY SAFE ZONE
No Ryan.
No judgment.
No white roses.
I cried.
Daniel looked alarmed.
“Is it bad?”
“No,” I sobbed. “It’s perfect.”
Eli carried the bags in and lingered near the door.
“I’ll head back,” he said.
The thought of him leaving made a panic rise in me so sudden I felt ashamed of it.
Not because I wanted him as a replacement for Ryan.
Not because I was confused.
Because Eli had become proof that when I reached out, someone might actually come.
“You’ll text?” I asked.
“If you want.”
“I want.”
He nodded.
Daniel looked between us but said nothing.
Eli crouched slightly near the car seat.
“Goodbye, Lily Grace.”
Her eyes opened for half a second, unfocused and dark.
Eli smiled sadly.
“You take care of your mom.”
I said, “She’s a newborn.”
“Then mostly emotionally.”
Daniel snorted.
Eli stood.
At the door, he turned back.
“Claire.”
“Yes?”
“You did the right thing.”
I wanted to believe him.
“I don’t feel like it.”
