I stepped back. Not in anger. Not even in fear. Just in need of air.
“I need a minute,” I said softly.
I picked up my coat and walked out into the cool evening before he could stop me. The night air loosened the careful way I had pinned my hair for our wedding. I did not know where I was going. I only knew I needed distance.
One thought kept repeating in my mind. Nathan was already preparing himself to lose me. And I had just promised to build the rest of my life with him.
My feet carried me, almost without thinking, to the church where we had first met. It was quiet inside. Empty. But everything inside of me was loud.
I sat in the front pew and read the letter again, more carefully this time.
“I tried to be stronger the second time, but I was not. I thought I would have had more time. I do not think I will survive losing you too, Mattie.”
I lowered the letter slowly. This was not simple worry about the future. This was a man already living as if the worst had happened.
“I cannot be someone you are already grieving, Nathan,” I whispered to the empty room.
For the first time that night, I considered walking away from this marriage before it had even truly begun.
